Reflection On Things Lost

   
    Since school got out I have been HORRIBLE at following the Saint of the Day.  I promised myself I would continue to reflect on that daily, but life happens.  It has come to my attention that today is the feast of my favorite/most called upon saint (unfortunately), Saint Anthony.   "Tony, Tony are you around something is lost and can't be found."  (For those of you not familiar with Saint Anthony he is most known as the Saint to pray to for help in finding lost things.)

     The other day I posted on finding my Teaching Certificate, I had called upon him for help and he answered.  It took him awhile, but he helped.  OK maybe it took me  awhile to listen to him, but we finally connected.  He has helped me find lost papers, lost favorite toys, and most importantly my lost diamond when it fell off my ring.  (He was quick to respond then.)  So he is called on often, mostly for "big" things.

     But today I am reflecting on the fact that I forget to call on him for other, more important, lost things.  I really should call on him more often for the lost friendships, lost relationships in general, and when I've lost my way.  I know I've messed up on a lot of my friendships, I know we take our friends for granted and forget to take care of the relationship along the way and only realize it when they are gone.  I have "lost" many great friends to the Lord calling them back home, and many "lost" friends are still roaming this world.  The lost friends to death I know are watching over me.  I have one friend I miss the most and during EVERY life event I miss having her beside me physically.  yet I'm sure her presence now is even better.  Today i will reflect even more on the lost friendships in my life and if there is one that I can "fix" I will work on that too.

     Today I will not reflect on the "losses" I have experienced due to being blessed with a child with Autism instead I will reflect on what I have gained.  Having B is a bit harder when I have nephew living in the same town that is one month younger than her and I attend his major life events.  I tear up when I watch/go to weddings thinking what I lost with her.  I find myself thinking about the dreams of having a daughter I've lost.  I really need to change my lost thinking and reflect on all I've found with her.  I have found some amazing friends, some I've met some I only know via facebook.  I have found a simpler life where someone is not in need of the latest and greatest something, she is perfectly happy with a broken toy that she loves.  Most importantly I have found what unconditional love truly looks like and feels.  She loves me  no matter what I look like, OK she laughed at me when I put on the cow jammies for school dress up day one day but that doesn't count.  I have found a love I never thought was possible.  I also have found a better place in my teaching for now I know what it is like to live with something daily and not just for 8 hours a day.

     Today I will not reflect on the lost dream of one day taking my family to Disney.  B cannot handle large crowds so I don't see that happening in the near future.  Today, though, I will reflect on the fact that we found a way to make that dream possible for Reid.  He was able to go with relatives this last year and says he had a good time.  Although he openly admits he wishes mom would have been there.  That makes my heart happy.  I am so glad we were blessed to find a way to help make his dream come true.  (Now if I just could find a way so I can make mine of going there someday come true we would be golden.  LOL)

     Today I will not reflect on the lost relationships that I thought were "the one".  Today I will reflect on the wonderful man I found and married and cannot see how I would ever get along without him.  Through every loss we have encountered we have found ourselves closer to each other.  Although at times he drives me crazy and is not a person who likes to talk about the seriousness of life, he keeps me grounded and on track.  I am so glad that I found my way to SEARCH and found him in such a wonderful God-filled experience.

(Sorry no photo of him as he HATES me taking his photo and I have to "pay" every time I take it.  I'm way to far in debt to take, let alone post one on here.  LOL)

      It seems somewhat ironic that today is the day of my interview.  I have shed many a tears over the "loss" of my job.  I loved my job at West Catholic.  I loved that I could openly speak of things I believe in and not worry about it.  I loved the family atmosphere.  I loved the feeling of my family came first.  I am a bit worried about going into a public school setting again after that freedom, but God will provide.  I can't help but wonder if Saint Anthony is "finding" my job that I lost.  I will cling to that hope as I go forward into the unknown and go into this interview with my head up and faith that God will put me where He wants me when He wants me there.  

      I still can't help but wonder why we need to "lose" something over and over again before we "find" how important it is to us.  After some time we become so comfortable that we forget to work with what we have to maintain it.  For today I will reflect NOT on all I've lost, but on all I've found.  For in what I have found I find God's purpose and calling in my life.  I have found so many wonderful things why should I reflect on the loss.  The joy in finding is sooooo much better.  Hey look what I found!!!!!