HIS Timing Not mine

God has a great plan for your life. He is directing your steps. In His perfect timing, everything will turn out right. -- Joel Osteen

     This was posted today and is soooo appropriate for my life right now.  Today was another interview and yet another "I'm sorry but we decided to hire another person who interviewed."  Now I could sit in my easy chair with a box of tissues and chocolate and either a sappy movie or a sappy book to have a good cry.  But why???  As much as I want to curl up into a ball and cry I know deep down there is a reason for the no.  There is something better coming.  I have to have faith and know that He will take care of me.
     Today I had to go to Yankton and get my eye checked.  Saturday Breanna was upset and scratched my eye, even knocking out my contact.  It has been burning ever since so i needed to get it looked at to make sure she didn't damage my eye.  (I know she is killing my hearing by screaming directly into my ear she doesn't need to take my sight too. Oh and everything was OK.)  Back to the story, on the way there I got behind a pickup pulling a grain cart with traffic just right so I couldn't pass.  My first instinct was, "Blessed Farmer taking up the whole road!"  Then my mind went back to the story I've read time and time again of all the people who were not in the Twin Towers on 9/11 because of some kind of little obstacle and God put that obstacle there so they WOULDN'T be there.  (A couple examples that stick out...someone was late due to it was his morning to provide the donuts and there was a line in the donut shop....a dad wanted to take his daughter to her first day of school....someone got a blister from their new pair of shoes and they stopped for a band aid.)  Since I've really reflected on that story I don't get upset with those situation anymore.  OK so I still get upset with the other drivers that make the choices to pass or do something life threatening, but not with the obstacle that is in my way.
     I know deep in my heart, and firmly believe that God has a plan and purpose for me.  Do I get mad at Him?  You bet I do!  I want, like many of you, the neon flashing sign with the arrow and specific directions where to turn.  OK I want God to take over my GPS and tell me in His soothing voice, "turn left at Albuquerque, apply for the job at _________, stay home and be the Mom you are meant to be for the children I have given you and the husband I have blessed you with."
     But I know that's not going to happen.  I can't sit back on my heels and wait for that to happen.  I have to do some work.  In this work it may cause pain and confusion, but it WILL be worth it!  God isn't there with a neon flashing sign, but He is there with a gentle whisper in my ear, a slight push on the shoulder, and sometimes a kick in the you-know-what.  I need to stay alert and be ready to feel and hear Him talking to me.
     So I will not look at the "No" from the last three interviews hold me back.  I will carry on with my head held high and keep looking for the small signs. 
     But God, just a reminder, I am getting deaf due to the little challenge you have given me called Breanna, so You may have to turn up the volume on Your voice so I can hear you.  OK?!?!?!

Reflection On Things Lost

   
    Since school got out I have been HORRIBLE at following the Saint of the Day.  I promised myself I would continue to reflect on that daily, but life happens.  It has come to my attention that today is the feast of my favorite/most called upon saint (unfortunately), Saint Anthony.   "Tony, Tony are you around something is lost and can't be found."  (For those of you not familiar with Saint Anthony he is most known as the Saint to pray to for help in finding lost things.)

     The other day I posted on finding my Teaching Certificate, I had called upon him for help and he answered.  It took him awhile, but he helped.  OK maybe it took me  awhile to listen to him, but we finally connected.  He has helped me find lost papers, lost favorite toys, and most importantly my lost diamond when it fell off my ring.  (He was quick to respond then.)  So he is called on often, mostly for "big" things.

     But today I am reflecting on the fact that I forget to call on him for other, more important, lost things.  I really should call on him more often for the lost friendships, lost relationships in general, and when I've lost my way.  I know I've messed up on a lot of my friendships, I know we take our friends for granted and forget to take care of the relationship along the way and only realize it when they are gone.  I have "lost" many great friends to the Lord calling them back home, and many "lost" friends are still roaming this world.  The lost friends to death I know are watching over me.  I have one friend I miss the most and during EVERY life event I miss having her beside me physically.  yet I'm sure her presence now is even better.  Today i will reflect even more on the lost friendships in my life and if there is one that I can "fix" I will work on that too.

     Today I will not reflect on the "losses" I have experienced due to being blessed with a child with Autism instead I will reflect on what I have gained.  Having B is a bit harder when I have nephew living in the same town that is one month younger than her and I attend his major life events.  I tear up when I watch/go to weddings thinking what I lost with her.  I find myself thinking about the dreams of having a daughter I've lost.  I really need to change my lost thinking and reflect on all I've found with her.  I have found some amazing friends, some I've met some I only know via facebook.  I have found a simpler life where someone is not in need of the latest and greatest something, she is perfectly happy with a broken toy that she loves.  Most importantly I have found what unconditional love truly looks like and feels.  She loves me  no matter what I look like, OK she laughed at me when I put on the cow jammies for school dress up day one day but that doesn't count.  I have found a love I never thought was possible.  I also have found a better place in my teaching for now I know what it is like to live with something daily and not just for 8 hours a day.

     Today I will not reflect on the lost dream of one day taking my family to Disney.  B cannot handle large crowds so I don't see that happening in the near future.  Today, though, I will reflect on the fact that we found a way to make that dream possible for Reid.  He was able to go with relatives this last year and says he had a good time.  Although he openly admits he wishes mom would have been there.  That makes my heart happy.  I am so glad we were blessed to find a way to help make his dream come true.  (Now if I just could find a way so I can make mine of going there someday come true we would be golden.  LOL)

     Today I will not reflect on the lost relationships that I thought were "the one".  Today I will reflect on the wonderful man I found and married and cannot see how I would ever get along without him.  Through every loss we have encountered we have found ourselves closer to each other.  Although at times he drives me crazy and is not a person who likes to talk about the seriousness of life, he keeps me grounded and on track.  I am so glad that I found my way to SEARCH and found him in such a wonderful God-filled experience.

(Sorry no photo of him as he HATES me taking his photo and I have to "pay" every time I take it.  I'm way to far in debt to take, let alone post one on here.  LOL)

      It seems somewhat ironic that today is the day of my interview.  I have shed many a tears over the "loss" of my job.  I loved my job at West Catholic.  I loved that I could openly speak of things I believe in and not worry about it.  I loved the family atmosphere.  I loved the feeling of my family came first.  I am a bit worried about going into a public school setting again after that freedom, but God will provide.  I can't help but wonder if Saint Anthony is "finding" my job that I lost.  I will cling to that hope as I go forward into the unknown and go into this interview with my head up and faith that God will put me where He wants me when He wants me there.  

      I still can't help but wonder why we need to "lose" something over and over again before we "find" how important it is to us.  After some time we become so comfortable that we forget to work with what we have to maintain it.  For today I will reflect NOT on all I've lost, but on all I've found.  For in what I have found I find God's purpose and calling in my life.  I have found so many wonderful things why should I reflect on the loss.  The joy in finding is sooooo much better.  Hey look what I found!!!!!

God Is Everywhere, Even in the Fridge

  

     I have thought about doing this for a long time, but the time never seemed right.  I put it in God's hands and now He has driven me to give it a go.  I plan on sharing my joys, and happiness along with some of my trials.  (Probably more trials than anything, but bear with me there WILL be joy.)  Now that I've spent a few days at home, unemployed, and unable to physically talk with others since Tom has been taking Reid to the farm and Breanna is non-verbal I will consider this my "talk" with others.  Some days it will be short and some days it will be longer.  Please don't read it if you are a person who reads for errors, after all I'm only human and sometimes emotions will over rule proper grammer and spelling.  LOL  I will TRY to keep it light hearted and hopefully not TMI.  (Too much information) 
   What has compelled me to write this is an experience that I just want to share with SOMEONE, ANYONE, and if you have read this far you are blessed to be that person(people).  I have to share a God  experience that still has me floored and straining to hear His voice more.
    As I stated earlier I  am currently unemployed and having a HARD time with that.  Every morning I ask God to show me what he wants me to do.  Do You want me to stay home and be there more for my daughter?  Is there some special job you are calling me to do?  Am I suppose to be "available" for the other non-paying (OK it pays in greater ways, but more on that another time) job you have put in front of me?  Please show me!!!
    I feel like an impatient child waiting for Santa to see what great gift awaits me.  I have been in these shoes before, no job and no clue what is in store, they are more comfortable and more "me".  I know that God has something better in place for me.  I just wish He wouldn't wait so long to show me. 
   Well yesterday I was getting dinner ready for the family, something that I have always regretted and now am finding comfort in since it makes me feel needed, and I was standing in front of the fridge thinking dinner.  But my mind suddenly went to "God if You want me to stay home and do this daily I need a sign, because I'm not feeling that's where You really want me."  Not even 5 minutes later the house phone rang with caller ID saying Yankton Public Schools.  I had applied for  a Computer job there (not lesson plans, no grading papers, work is work and home is home type of job, I think).  I had decided that they must have filled it and I was not even in the running.  How wrong I was!!  They wanted to set up an interview!  They WANT to see ME!!  OK I may be reading too much into it, but I'm now not so sure God wants me to stay at home.  I have to keep trying for jobs.
    Another sign of this is... I couldn't find my Teaching Certificate and two other positions I wanted to try for needed a copy of it.  I prayed to Saint Anthony over and over and over and over.  I finally said, "OK Saint Anthony if I'm not suppose to be a teacher anymore keep it lost."  (Yes I was desperate.)  Guess what I found last night!  I guess I'm suppose to teach.
    I don't feel I was threatening God, or Saint Anthony, I just wanted the flashing, neon, bright sign in the darkness.  Is God really leading me that way or am I looking too hard for things?  I don't know, but I'm ready for the ride.  After all He's never led me wrong before.
   OK I think that's enough for the first blog.  I WILL include some photos when I see fit and when I figure out how to do it.  Right now I have to get a little lady ready for school. (BTW she "shows" me God's blessings often and you will learn a LOT about her as this goes.)  So God bless and may you find God in your fridge.  :)